Untitled
by shiroiokami
Summary: Oneshot. Allen's thoughts as he looses himself. Implied character death. Implied Yullen. Please R&R!


Warning! Implied Character death!

Also, don't own the awesomeness of -Man.

I love you, but you don't love me. But if you are happy, I can forget you. Even if I disappear, I can erase you with my unshed tears. It will hurt, but I can. If and only if you are happy.

But you seem to want the songs I sing. And because you want my songs, I sing still. But only for you. I sing, no matter how much time passes, only because you want my songs.

It hurt from the start. But I love you, and because I want you to be happy, I can erase this with my tears, even I become nothing but a shell of what I once was. Only if you can once again be happy with the one you love.

The Noah in me is starting to take over more now. But you are happy now, so it's alright. I have nothing to pretend for anymore. You are gone along with your love, so you can't possibly make a miraculous return and stop me from breaking again. The 14th knows this too, and so he seems to be waiting for the right moment to finally return to the world of the living.

My situation went to hell from the moment you left, so I can't bring myself to care anymore about what may happen once the Noah takes over me. After all, you're happy now.

I sing still, though I'm not sure why. I've been singing for a while now, but no one seems to be able to hear it. You liked that song for some reason. I think that's why I'm still singing. Sometimes it seemed like you wanted to possess the song. Other times, you gazed into space with the same look you thought I never saw, the one you always had when you looked at your lotus.

Oh yeah, it still has one petal left. I don't know what it means. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that lotus is not normal, but I never got a chance to ask you what it was for, so I don't know what the last petal may mean.

I think you were the only one that could hear the songs then, but now that there are people wounded and dying all around me, it seems everyone can hear it. Lenalee— was that her name? — is saying something to me, but all I hear is the song, and plenty of buzzing in my ears aside from that. All the dying men are staring at me as if I were an akuma, but I don't care anymore. I've learnt four more songs from the 14th since you left, but I'm singing your personal favorite now. It's also the first one I learnt. The Musician's lullaby. I know I should be concerned, but I'm not. I just wanted you to be happy. That was my only motive for continuing after the whole ark incident. You became to me the same thing that a light is to a moth; a guide from the darkness, a source of warmth, my sole companion and friend…

I realize now I disappeared a long time ago. After all, what else could I be when I'm watching myself slaughter my friends like cattle from a distance? And you aren't here to stop me or knock some sense into my thick skull as you so often said I had, or to beat the ever-loving shit out of me instead. That last one seemed to work rather well every time. It was also the only thing you ever chose.

But… even when I've already disappeared, I still love you and I still have your face imprinted on my memory. So I will erase your face from my mind and love you without remembering you until I die.

Lavi's looking at me funny now. It's a wonder how he's still alive. Maybe all the times you chased him down with Mugen were worth something after all. I wonder why he's calling my name… or is it my name? Oh… I'm crying. Oh well. I'm almost gone anyway.

…I can't think of your name anymore. I love you, though I don't remember you much anymore.

As I fall to the ground, my heart slowing to a halt as my innocence leaves me with the transition from human to Noah finally complete, I whisper, "_I love you Kanda, always…_" I wonder who that is.

My eyes shift to the side, catching cobalt black eyes and long dark tresses, loose and flying with the wind, a sharp contrast to the pale and shocked face of a handsome Japanese man. As I finally let the darkness take me in, I see the man run himself through with his katana. In that split moment, I remember Kanda, and everything about him. "_I love you… Yuu…_" I whisper into the darkness once more. Then, nothing.


End file.
